Updated: Feb 3, 2019
Orgasm is the name of episode 4 and we joke that no one wants to hear about that! In fact, to date it’s our most popular episode and we are glad that we made it a priority in the beginning of our podcast.
This topic is so important because many women aren’t getting orgasms during every sexual encounter that their partners are, and many women are expecting to get an orgasm with vaginal penetration when only 20-30% of all women are able to get stimulated this way.
We enjoyed talking about the mechanism of the orgasm because although almost all of us have experienced one- it’s a kinda complicated process- which makes sense when you think about how complicated it can be to have one!
The excitement state is the first hint of desire or arousal. Blood begins to engorge the sex organs- the clitoris, the vagina, and the nipples. It’s essentially a sexual blush for the whole body and your heart rate and blood pressure increase to accommodate the extra bloodflow.
The plateau state is when full arousal has built and leads up to orgasm. Body temperature rises, vagina lubrication increases, and often the flush feeling of blood flow makes you feel all warm and hot!
Orgasm is the climax of the sexual experience. Physically, it’s a series of rhythmic contraction that occur in the uterus, pelvic floor muscles and vagina. This isn’t something that happens in just one part of the body, some women’s other muscles contract too.
The resolution state is when your body relaxes after orgasm, blood flows away from the engorged sexual organs and respirations, heart rate and blood pressure return to normal.
The clitoris actually had 3 times the amount of nerve endings than a penis does. This allows women to have stronger and more satisfying orgasms but much goes into the work of getting one, compared to our male partners that tend to have them in a lot simpler fashion. One fun bonus about all those nerve endings is we can have multiple orgasms, while our partners cannot.
The key to orgasm for most ladies is repetitive stimulation of the clitoris. Which usually means the same motion on the most sensitive spot, over and over. We want our sexual partners to “not stop” and “keep going” doing the same thing until we climax. Sometimes this take a bit of time- but when the mood is right and the spot is correct, it’s a recipe for orgasm.
Not all sex leads to orgasm unfortunately, and there’s some obvious reasons why. Low lubrication because of lack of arousal or hormone fluctuations like during lactation, can make the friction unpleasant. Discomfort from scar tissue, pelvic floor trauma from childbirth or injury can make sex painful. Mental illness like depression or anxiety can keep you from being able to go through the proper states of sexual response we shared above. Emotional distress like fear, sadness, mistrust, distraction or even just a perceived idea of loss of control can effect orgasm too. It’s complicated!
We ended this episodes with sentiments of being able to cultivate intimacy with our partners that made physical arousal a little easier. Some ideas like taking turns initiating sex, certain nights for cuddling and being open and honest with our communication were shared. One of the best ways to get an orgasm, is to work with your partner to figure out what works and not be afraid to ask for those things!