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Wine & Gyn Episode 18: Oral Sex

Oh you hot button title, you! Making everyone click you and listen (or read) to check out what on earth we will be saying about oral sex!!

Take yourself back to your adolescence and try to remember with us when you first learned what oral sex was. It was unbelievable, unimaginable, and a real secret- wasn’t it? Some of us are still approaching this valuable part of connecting and enjoying sex with our partners the same way!

Kelly & Tiffany want to bring this awesome aspect of sexuality into the light and examine it a little bit. The official definition is stimulating your partner on the genital with your mouth. That takes all the sexy right out of it, but first we have to get comfortable with what it actually is- and why it’s worth thinking about, talking about and trying more!

What women really want to know is – is what they are doing in the bedroom normal? Is oral sex a part of your regular sexual activity? Do you give and receive? Is it enjoyable in both directions or do you have some hang ups in this area? You might be surprised to learn that 84% of couples are engaging in oral sex in some way.

However, just engaged in an activity doesn’t make it pleasant or pleasurable, so let’s chat about what a lot of women are experiencing. It’s a tool for connection, to serve each other and express intimacy and love. We have discovered that women are giving and receiving oral sex in many different ways.

Do you use oral sex as an appetizer, happening first and warming you or him up? Do you use it as the main course, that’s just the thing to get the job done and everyone is satisfied with that? Or do you use it as dessert, a lovely end to the rest of your sexual experience together?

Sometimes an element that sucks the air right out (literally) of giving oral sex are our own ideas, past experiences and attitudes about oral sex. Possibly you think it’s too erotic, too dirty or just wrong. Or maybe you had a bad experience where you were in a position that made you feel bad about the experience, or had a partner that didn’t respect you well through the encounter. These are really valid places to find yourself emotionally and mentally stuck and we get that. If the past experience feels abusive or oppressive it will be vital for you to talk to your current partner about your feelings and what you need. We think it’s important to consider talking to a therapist who specializes in these types of traumas as well.

Some other reasons you may not be majorly fond of giving oral sex could be sensory roadblocks like the taste and smell of male genitals, gagging reflex interrupting the gift, getting bored and tired with your mouth in that position for too long, or feeling anxious about ejaculation happening in your mouth- not very many of us want that last one!

Most of us don’t have these major issues though, and a lot of what we end up battling is just the energy and enthusiasm to do it more! Take a survey of your sex-life, think about how you may want to make a small adjustment here and there to enjoy this part of intimacy more!

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