What Helped My Partner Say Yes to Homebirth: Advice From Moms Who’ve Been There
- talblinger
- Jun 16
- 13 min read
Updated: Jun 20
You're confident about homebirth, but your partner is not quite so... enthusiastic? ...Yet! This is such a common dynamic amongst expecting couples. It can be a really emotional and frustrating thing to work through and come together on, but it doesn't have to be.
Men are uniquely set up in their biology to be protectors and providers. Understanding that when they say "I don't know" about homebirth, it's not because they want you to have a terrible birth experience, they just need to know they can protect and provide for you in that choice. This helps us approach their individual, valid concerns about birthing at home, and then present information to them in a way that gets him on board with the vision.
Typically women are much more invested in the birth plans, and arrive there much sooner than men. It's a unique part of our biology that makes us nurturers and feelers. We can get singularly focused on the information, take a really deep dive, start to plan around the experience of birth for ourselves and our babies, and come to the conclusion that homebirth is the way- all while our partners are still trying to wrap their heads around the fact that we are pregnant.
Ladies, we can be confident, even amidst the uncertainty, that our partners want to provide a safe experience for us. And yes, especially as they understand what "safe" really means to you (staying out of the system, minimizing interventions, trusting your body, letting birth unfold physiologically, not fighting with staff, etc). What they usually need from us, is more time and more information.
This issue is so common, that we heard from dozens and dozens of women on Instagram recently about how their own partners went from doubtful to supportive. We'll share lots of that insight in the post so you can take some deep breaths, meet your guy where he is at and come up with a plan for a wonderful birth, together!
In this article:
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Why Some Partners Hesitate about Homebirth
Fear of the Unknown + Safety Concerns
"Some of his "silly" concerns was thinking we had to clean everything by ourselves but he also had the very deep fear if something happened to me or baby it would happen at our house and the potential trauma that could bring. There's not one approach just like there's not one reason for homebirth. Finding what reaches their mind and heart and what order to approach should be individualized."
"For him, it just took knowing all the details and having a contingency plan in place for him to be on board!"
"He made it perfectly clear that it was ultimately my decision but it was important to me that he was 100% on board because it's his baby too. He was concerned about safety. Now he tells anyone who will listen that this is the only way for a healthy pregnancy."
"I told my husband I'd like to homebirth and he asked if it was safe. I showed him the statistics and talked through the reasons why I wanted to."
"My husband point blank asked what the midwife would say to a dad who is unsure. She said she couldn't convince him but asked what his root of being unsure was. It was fear."
Unsure of the Value + Budgeting Concerns
"Mostly unsure for 2 reasons: safety (conquered that) and money. Not saying it's too much for what it is... Just having the money in general."
"The cost was nearly identical to the out of pocket we were going to pay at the hospital."
For more on Affording Homebirth click HERE.
Misconceptions from Media + Cultural Norms
"I am so blessed to have married a man who trusts me and my intuition; when I said, I want to utilize midwives and have our baby at home, he immediately said 'okay!' He wanted to learn everything alongside me and was so excited. He trusted me, believed in me, and respected the physiological birth processes. Even when the majority of his family very clearly thought we were bonkers, he wasn't bothered."
"We had a hospital VBAC after our first baby was a cesarean. And it was traumatic for me. And it was extremely hard for my husband to see me go through everything that went down in that hospital room for our vbac. It left us wondering 'Why did we do so much work and jump through so many hoops to make this vbac happen?' "
"He did go from semi uncomfortable with the idea of birth in a non-hospital setting to being a HUGE advocate after going through our birth course together!"
"I think part of it was also communicating why I didn't feel respected by my prior OB. And how care under a homebirth midwife would be very different. We had a PHENOMENAL pain med free induction with our first due to high BP at 38 weeks but honestly the outcome was shockingly positive despite being induced. So it was hard for him to translate that very positive experience into me being dissatisfied with the idea of repeat hospital birth, even with a different provider."
"My husband agreed but still thinks it's weird that our baby will be born in our home... he's never imagined that before so I think he's struggling to picture it."
Feeling Unprepared or Left Out of the Process
"My husband wants to be involved but is unsure of HOW. like where he fits in with midwives, etc."
"For our next pregnancy/birth it's so important to me that he is present for all prenatals and feels confident to ask questions and feel included in the prep. I truly didn't know he was so scared because he held it in to protect me. And learning it afterwards broke my heart a bit and left me feeling very alone to process my birth. I'm looking forward to feeling connected and supported with a partner who truly trusts birth for the 3rd time around someday."
"Talking him through why I wanted a homebirth- everything from data/mistrust of hospitals to simply, home is where I am comfortable and feel safe, and we've worked hard to build our home to be a place of love. Why wouldn't we want that to be the space where our baby comes into this world?"
Misunderstanding About What a Midwife Actually Does
"For my husband, his fear was 'what if something goes wrong'. My midwife was a very matter if fact kind of person, so she just asked him, "like what?" (She then gave him some examples of potential complications, and how she would handle them. For him, it was knowing she was medically knowledgeable that helped get him on board. And after my homebirth, he was so happy- he said it was so much more peaceful and calm and restful than my previous two hospital births....and loved climbing into his own bed that night instead of the hospital chair!"
"Honestly, his biggest concern was thinking he was going to be extremely responsible and that he was going to have to clean up."
"Have him meet the midwife and see the stats for c-section and interventions between midwife and
OB care, the time you get with midwife vs OB! My husband was on board but hearing those stats was pretty eye opening and seeing the difference in care spoke volumes."
"My husband had zero experience with birth-like most of us in the west, especially guys. He assumed that the hospital would be safest because of having emergency staff and equipment right at hand."
What Helped Partners Become More Homebirth Supportive
Education + Evidence
"Once we did birthing classes and more research my husband was fully on board, I feel like for men, they are wired to protect us and keep us safe and us being in America, it's not super common to be educated in other methods of birth like intentionally having a baby outside of the hospital. It's rooted in fear of birth and trusting doctors more than your own body."
"After taking a physiological birth class and learning all the things we were up against at the hospital, he didn't want to be fighting back my entire birth and not be able to support me because he was trying to combat unnecessary intervention and protocol."
"My husband loves facts, numbers, and stats. We watched Business of Being Born, looked at the research on Evidence Based Birth and similar sources. After learning the safety factor we then looked into all the other whys, and listened to birth podcasts."
"With the trauma of my son's birth, we all did a lot of healing and a lot of talking- I shared research and statistics and explained what I really prayed and hoped our daughter's birth (our second) would look like. I worked hard to lay foundation work and prep my body and because he was with me through the whole planning process- it grew on him! He was eventually even more of an advocate than me."
"Any fears he had or myself, we researched and studied so that we were informed with our decision and how we could prevent emergency situations in birth.I was more hesitant to give birth at home than he was!"
"This was a hurdle for my overly-cautious/risk-averse husband (people are still shocked he eventually got on board with a homebirth!). I first sent him your blog page on how homebirths are safe/midwife preparation, and reading through that helped him initially open his mind."
"He always says, 'What knowledge do I have to back up my argument of not wanting a homebirth? My answer would be completely made out of fear not of knowledge. If you have all this knowledge in birth and you feel it's best and safe for us to birth at home then that's what is best.' Education is so powerful in making people understand the safety and benefit of homebirth!"
"We watched the Business of Being Born and researched together. He realized that his fears were not likely to happen and that evidence shows that homebirth is safe. He was very nervous at first but after my first home birth he said, 'why would anyone choose to go to the hospital for this if they don't have to?!' "
"Talking about the cascade of interventions REALLY seemed to make sense to him. I think that at some point, the dots connected for him that hospital policies don't trust women and their bodies. And when you don't have continuity of care, that is even more evident."
"The other thing that was huge for us was taking an amazing home birth class in preparation for our first birth. We learned together how pregnancy/labor/birth works, and that gave my husband confidence going into our birth of what to expect generally."
"Watching Business of Being Born, being open and honest about why homebirth felt right for me, discussions with several midwives, clearly communicating my goals for labor and postpartum."
Hearing from Other Homebirth Dads
"My husband was initially shocked at the idea, but we're in a community where homebirth is very common. He was willing to listen to stories from other husbands/fathers (this was KEY!) who had been skeptical and then loved the experience of being at home."
"He just needed to know they weren't the only ones. I feel like home birth moms are vocal about their experiences, and I think it's important for dads to do the same."
"l'd really encourage him to try and touch base with people who have experienced home birth for first hand accounts, and shift the conversation to understanding our bodies aren't broken, we don't need interventions for something we were designed to do, and that midwives ARE qualified
professionals who know far more about physiological birth than hospitals."
"For my husband, it did also help that my sister in law had transferred to midwifery care and given birth in a freestanding birth center the year prior; which impresses upon me the continued necessity of sharing our stories and experiences as a way to encourage and educate others."
"Definitely have other dads speak into this! That was so helpful for my hubby."
"My parents had 5 of their kids in a hospital and 4 at home, they spoke to us (both my mom and dad) about how much of a better experience it was for all- mom, dad, and baby, to have at home. He loves home birth now and tries to convince his brothers to get their wives to homebirth."
Midwife-Led Conversations
"We had a great midwife and I had him make a list of his concerns to express when we met with her. She gave us lots of resources and it helped him feel more at peace and secure in the decision."
"We met with the midwife and he asked all the "what ifs" and she was so calm and prepared and it set his mind at ease."
"We interviewed midwives together. Had open and nonjudgmental conversations about his concerns."
"I said I wouldn't have another baby until he was on board for a homebirth for the second. He got on board and we had a beautiful birth. But I found out afterwards he was terrified the entire time and what I felt was a very normal/ beautiful experience was low-key traumatizing to him. I had to pry that out of him because every time I tried to process my birth with him he'd kinda change the subject or avoid the convo. We've had to keep talking over and over about it to process our diff experiences. I did all of my prenatals while he was at work so he didn't get a lot of questions answered and just blindly supported me because he knew I wasn't going to back down. I wish we took the time to get him comfortable address his fears too with our midwives."
"What sealed the deal was a capable, calm and knowledgeable birth team he felt we could both trust. Massive part of convincing him!"
"It was also incredibly helpful for him to "have an appointment" to ask all of his questions to my midwife. Giving him space to be hesitant and remind him how our bodies are made to birth was definitely a process."
"Then we met with our midwife to go through her birth kit and she showed us every tool, medication, and instrument she would be bringing to the birth. We talked about how midwives are able to pull multiple levers and "tools in their toolbox" depending on the situation, including utilizing medicine and going to the hospital, and she assured us that was a tool she wouldn't be hesitant to pull if needed. Then the three of us wrote out a transfer protocol for going to the hospital and talked through what situations would warrant that."
"I had to basically just switch over to a home-birth midwife this time and invited my husband for a visit and allowed him to ask questions."
"I took mine to see a midwife. She answered all his questions without getting offended or talking down to him. After, he said, 'I can really see how much this means to you, and the midwife made me feel comfortable with this option.' "
"It took lots of conversations over the course of weeks. And when we finally decided and he was onboard I felt so much peace!"
"We went together to meet some midwives, and my husband was able to ask all the safety/emergency questions, see the birth kits complete with oxygen tanks, etc., and that made him feel safe under midwifery care."
"Have your husband attend all/as many prenatal appointments as possible with you! My husband was right there with me 95% of the time, and it helped him know how to support me while also helping him understand and get comfortable with the whole idea of having our son at home."
Considering the Impact of Homebirth on Dads
"It seriously was redemptive. And I know we always say that for the mom. But it was also redemptive for my husband, and I think that is beautiful. He was in tears when he realized that all of the pain and trauma experienced the previous time was unnecessary. It was healing for us both. And it solidified for us how life giving bring life into the world could and should be."
"[After a traumatizing VBAC experience in a hospital] he wanted something different for not just me but our baby! And I did too. There was no having to convince him of it. And after our third baby was born, and it was so drastically different/better, he became a huge encourager of out of hospital birth!"
Checklist + Homebirth Dad Resources
Read + share our Dad-Friendly Homebirth FAQ post, it's the perfect conversation starter and homebirth myth buster.
Plan to have lots of conversations. Keep the discussion open, honest and respectful. Give him space to process, ask questions and understand your perspective. Try not to push too hard, shame hime for not "getting it" as quickly as you, or let your emotions control the conversation. We don't want to "convince" as much as we want to share the vision and educate. Lead conversations with what connects you both to this parenting journey together. It's probably love!
Show him homebirth is safe. Some random google searches can be confusing and misleading. Find the accurate homebirth safety data from sources like THIS and THIS.
Learn about birth together. Invest in a Holistic Birth Education Course that allows you both to go at your own pace, understand how physiological birth works, and equips you to navigate the pros and cons of all your options- together! No matter what setting and provider you choose, this will be crucial to you birth prep and plans. (tap HERE and use code RADIANT10 for 10% off)
Connect with others. Talk to other homebirth families (especially dads). Meet with midwives in your area and be honest about your hesitations and fears as a couple. Ask questions! Tap HERE for Midwife Interview Tips. If you don't know any homebirth families yet, ask your midwife to connect you to some of her clients- most families love to share! As a close second to in-person connection, our YouTube playlist for dads can be found HERE with homebirth dad stories and perspectives.
Dive into birth advocacy media. Watch impactful and educational films like The Business of Being Born and Why Not Home. Many couples report this provided a huge shift in their perspective on hospital birth.
Get books written for dads. Some of our favorites are The Birth Partner and Husband Coached Childbirth.
Dads are entirely needed, valued and irreplaceable at birth. They have their own unique set of concerns, values and desires for this experience. Our hope is that by opening communication, learning more about birth choices together, and hearing from other families who have walked before you- that homebirth becomes a viable option that you BOTH can get excited about!
Although we are licensed midwives by profession, we are not YOUR midwives. All content and information on this website is for informational and educational purposes only, and does not constitute medical advice. Although we strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice. For more information, click here.
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